Deceit. Pure freaking deceit. All these guys are just real deceit. You will see some of them on the TV wearing suits like one serious person, but deep inside, they are nothing different from the stupid boy that just broke up with me and called it becoming a man with a need for change. A very stupid change. A change that I’m sure will never come to him.
It saddens me so much thinking about what he said to me some days back. It was about 2 in the middle of the night last Thursday when he came knocking hard on my hostel door. He was dead drunk and asked if he could at least sleep over at my place. I hesitated after realizing how drunk he was, and asked him to go sleep at his place instead. He then started with that his stupid sweet mouth.
“Grace, first of all, I wouldn’t be here if you aren’t my girlfriend.” He started. “Second, as you can see, I’m not really myself right now.” He belched. I looked at him disgustingly, but yet he continued. “Third, and most importantly, I love you, Grace.” He looked into my eyes brazenly. “I don’t think I can make this one night without you, Grace.” He smiled lightly. “My Grace of God.” I was already softened with the stupid words. I wonder what was so cute about all he had said that I started blushing. And of course, he could see it, and he decided to use it against me. He touched my cheeks softly, and asked if he’s still welcomed to come in. What else can my head think of at the moment other than letting him in with my freaking flushed face.
That wasn’t even good enough. If you see the way he was molesting me, you will think I am not human anymore. I nearly thought I was a teddy bear or something else nonliving. He cared less about how I feel. He couldn’t even ask for it. After a couple of speechless fights, I had to give in before he does it with force. As he was going in and out with his drunk deadened d***, I realized after all, obedience is better than sacrifice. He soon finished and slept like the drunken man he is.
To be honest, the only thought about us in the past couple of months is finding a way to break up with him, but he just has this way of making me change my mind; his cute little face, his sweet little words, and his fine little appearances. I used to thing he has it all, until I received his text two days ago about him not feeling the connection between us anymore and would really enjoy a distance between us. At first, I thought it was just a joke, because he played the same prank two years ago when we were just one year into the relationship. I simply waved the text off my mind, and focused more on the lecturer I had not been listening to before.
“I hope you got my text earlier this afternoon?” He asked over the phone the night of the same day. I responded positively. “What do you think?” He asked dumbly.
“I think it’s a joke.” I said uninterestingly.
“Well, it isn’t, and I would really like you to take it serious.” He said feigning seriousness. “So, what do you think now?”
“I think it’s good for us then…”
“Yes!” He cuts in. “You’ve not been feeling the connection too abi?”
“I don’t know.”
“Anyhow, we’d still be very good friends sha, and…”
I hung the call. That’s just too cliché for my hearing before my sweet bedtime, so I thought. But I couldn’t sleep. Not a sting of sleep came afterwards. My mind wandered on useless thoughts about us throughout the night, and by the time I found sleep, it was too late, yet I slept anyway.
I must have read the text for more than a million times already since I last spoke to him; the text I thought would never matter to my life two days ago. The number of tears I had shed since then also would have been enough to mould at least three clay huts in my village if I had been collecting them. Thank God I live alone, it would have been worse because of the sort of consolation I’d have gotten from my former roommate.
The most annoying part of the text is the part where he said he needs the change in order to become the man he is meant to be. What kind of change could that be that must warrant this freaking heartbreak? Who does that? Who freaking does this?
I hate you, boy. In fact I hate every boy and every man. You used me. For over three years, I thought we had the nicest thing in this world. I thought we loved each other so well, but you just used me so well it hurts so badly. I hate you because you make me loved you so much I forgot how to stop loving you. And now that you are gone, you make me hate you so much I don’t want to ever love anyone again. I hate you for hating me in spite of the love I showed to you.
I hate you forever and ever.